Recently, a woman was mauled by a 200 pound chimpanzee. She was, and still is very close to death, and probably nothing more can be done for her. The chimpanzee was a lifelong pet of an acquaintance of the victim. It was raised as a human child in a misguided attempt to produce a non-human surrogate for companionship. Even though the owner and the chimpanzee bathed and ate together, the chimpanzee's genetically encoded instincts remained intact. The animal did not respond well to Xanax. He tore the victim's face off. Apparently, she had changed her hairstyle.
The animal's behavior is perfectly explainable. But it is not explainable to people who tend to anthropomorphise and "own" non-domesticated animals. Domesticated animals that have been integrated into human society are the result of countless generations of selection for physical and behavioral traits. If they weren't, my cat will probably bite my head off when I ask him not to sit on my computer keyboard. This unfortunate incident, which resulted unnecessarily in the maiming of a human and the death of a chimpanzee, proves my arguments concerning the corrosive effects of Disney movies upon American society.
How do we define "human"? Is it the ability to engage in meaningless violence? I am not sure I share the opinion that the violence exhibited by the chimpanzee is analogous to human violence. I am sure the chimpanzee thought he had a good reason to rip a woman's face off, unlike our former president's cynical perpetration of violence upon the Iraqi people. Is it the ability to use tools? Chimpanzees have been observed to use tools. Is it the ability to create natural language? I do not think we know enough about the details of animal communication to make a determination either way. Is it the ability to create formal language? I do not (thankfully) know of any animal-developed programming languages or technical jargon such as the word "chemoselective", which is a neologism that truly stinks to the ear. Is it the ability to create and manipulate religion? Certainly, my cat's ritual behavior appears to be a religious mimetic. The above "human" characteristics give an equivocal measure of humanity at best.
I believe the human species can be unequivocally and accurately defined by its unique ability (among all other species) to produce beer. Indeed, the intentional combination of a carbohydrate source, water, yeast, and flavorings in the presence of a container meant for storage of the resulting product is an exclusively human endeavor.
The animal's behavior is perfectly explainable. But it is not explainable to people who tend to anthropomorphise and "own" non-domesticated animals. Domesticated animals that have been integrated into human society are the result of countless generations of selection for physical and behavioral traits. If they weren't, my cat will probably bite my head off when I ask him not to sit on my computer keyboard. This unfortunate incident, which resulted unnecessarily in the maiming of a human and the death of a chimpanzee, proves my arguments concerning the corrosive effects of Disney movies upon American society.
How do we define "human"? Is it the ability to engage in meaningless violence? I am not sure I share the opinion that the violence exhibited by the chimpanzee is analogous to human violence. I am sure the chimpanzee thought he had a good reason to rip a woman's face off, unlike our former president's cynical perpetration of violence upon the Iraqi people. Is it the ability to use tools? Chimpanzees have been observed to use tools. Is it the ability to create natural language? I do not think we know enough about the details of animal communication to make a determination either way. Is it the ability to create formal language? I do not (thankfully) know of any animal-developed programming languages or technical jargon such as the word "chemoselective", which is a neologism that truly stinks to the ear. Is it the ability to create and manipulate religion? Certainly, my cat's ritual behavior appears to be a religious mimetic. The above "human" characteristics give an equivocal measure of humanity at best.
I believe the human species can be unequivocally and accurately defined by its unique ability (among all other species) to produce beer. Indeed, the intentional combination of a carbohydrate source, water, yeast, and flavorings in the presence of a container meant for storage of the resulting product is an exclusively human endeavor.
1 comment:
Hmmm...stinks to the ear??? What a great phrase. I'll use that for music I don't like.
Steve, you remind me of an incident back when I was in college. A friend and I were perusing University Museum at Penn (we were Drexel students looking for culture) and there was an exhibit that said that the Egyptians were brewing beer since the 3rd millenium BC. We reasoned that if beer has been around that long it must have been around forever. Therefore, the 2 constant entities in the universe are not death and taxes, but rather beer and the speed of light. Obviously, taxes come and go and death was supposedly conquered (as some believe)about 2000 years ago.
On a separate note, I understand that you and I are probably a couple blocks away on some Tuesdays. I apologize for not returning a phone call I got a couple weeks ago.
John Mahony
beer and the
Post a Comment