Sometime, just before I fall asleep, I listen to late-night talkshow standup comedians deliver monologues. One of them has a weekly sketch in which he presents newspaper headlines either out of context or containing grievous spelling errors. The audience goes into a frenzy of humor when presented with misspellings like "shit" in place of sit, or a Chinese name that suggests an off color remark. I'll invite you to propose, as I propose below, actual excerpts from today's New York Times that are screamingly funny without embellishment or error. This is an exercise that is truly subversive as opposed to the television version, which is just mildly stupid and soporific, indeed, just what the advertisers want.
Under the state’s Airline Passenger Bill of Rights, airlines operating at airports in the state could be fined up to $1,000 a passenger if they do not supply water, fresh air, power and working restrooms during lengthy delays. A federal judge in Albany upheld the law in December.
But on Tuesday, that decision was reversed by the United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit, which agreed with the Air Transport Association of America, an airline industry group, that New York’s law had been preempted by the Airline Deregulation Act of 1978 and hindered the Federal Aviation Administration’s ability to maintain uniform standards for air travel.
The Pentagon announced Tuesday that the United States mistakenly shipped to Taiwan four electrical fuses designed for use on intercontinental ballistic missiles, but has since recovered them.
It is the second nuclear-related mistake involving the Air Force in recent months. Last August an Air Force B-52 bomber was mistakenly armed with six nuclear-tipped cruise missiles and flown from Minot Air Force Base, N.D., to Barksdale Air Force Base, La. At the time, the pilot and crew were unaware they had nuclear arms aboard.
President Bush was briefed about the mistaken shipment and is glad that the parts have been recovered, said White House press secretary Dana Perino. ''He appreciates that they are taking action, and that there is a full investigation under way,'' Perino said. Asked if Bush still has confidence in Air Force leadership, Perino said: ''Yes, yes he does.''
Tim Matheney stalked the silent hallways of South Brunswick High School one recent Wednesday at 1:07 p.m., peering into dark, seemingly empty classrooms and jotting down room numbers whenever he heard giggles behind locked doors. Students were supposed to remain silent and out of sight.
A teacher was locking a classroom as students keep out of sight in a drill at South Brunswick High. Mr. Matheney, the school’s principal, was roaming the suburban campus as if he were an “active shooter,” à la Virginia Tech or Columbine, as part of a “lockdown drill” now required twice a year here and in many schools around the country.
Gone are the days of the traditional fire drill, where students dutifully line up in hallways and proceed to the playground, then return a few minutes later.
Why cry when you can laugh?
Under the state’s Airline Passenger Bill of Rights, airlines operating at airports in the state could be fined up to $1,000 a passenger if they do not supply water, fresh air, power and working restrooms during lengthy delays. A federal judge in Albany upheld the law in December.
But on Tuesday, that decision was reversed by the United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit, which agreed with the Air Transport Association of America, an airline industry group, that New York’s law had been preempted by the Airline Deregulation Act of 1978 and hindered the Federal Aviation Administration’s ability to maintain uniform standards for air travel.
The Pentagon announced Tuesday that the United States mistakenly shipped to Taiwan four electrical fuses designed for use on intercontinental ballistic missiles, but has since recovered them.
It is the second nuclear-related mistake involving the Air Force in recent months. Last August an Air Force B-52 bomber was mistakenly armed with six nuclear-tipped cruise missiles and flown from Minot Air Force Base, N.D., to Barksdale Air Force Base, La. At the time, the pilot and crew were unaware they had nuclear arms aboard.
President Bush was briefed about the mistaken shipment and is glad that the parts have been recovered, said White House press secretary Dana Perino. ''He appreciates that they are taking action, and that there is a full investigation under way,'' Perino said. Asked if Bush still has confidence in Air Force leadership, Perino said: ''Yes, yes he does.''
Tim Matheney stalked the silent hallways of South Brunswick High School one recent Wednesday at 1:07 p.m., peering into dark, seemingly empty classrooms and jotting down room numbers whenever he heard giggles behind locked doors. Students were supposed to remain silent and out of sight.
A teacher was locking a classroom as students keep out of sight in a drill at South Brunswick High. Mr. Matheney, the school’s principal, was roaming the suburban campus as if he were an “active shooter,” à la Virginia Tech or Columbine, as part of a “lockdown drill” now required twice a year here and in many schools around the country.
Gone are the days of the traditional fire drill, where students dutifully line up in hallways and proceed to the playground, then return a few minutes later.
Why cry when you can laugh?
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